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Writer's pictureRachel Jones

Why Can't I Fall In Love?




Falling in love is a choice, an emotional experience, and a commitment. Falling in love is intimate and vulnerable. There are a variety of reasons that get in the way of us falling in love and it is very personal to each person. The key part to recognize is that you are capable of falling in love once you discover what is blocking you from attaching to another person.


Sometimes we have not fallen in love because we have not found the person we are willing and able to create a secure attachment with. This could be because the person we are currently dating is not safe to build that attachment with. It could also be because we are struggling to securely attach and love ourself well. In order to fall in love securely, we have to feel safe and seen by the other and ourself. This requires learning what is needed to develop secure attachment and then working to change our attachment story.


Emotional barriers can be another reason we struggle to fall in love. This can be connected to our attachment story, but can also be connected to past experiences, heartbreaks, or unresolved issues. When we have experienced hurt, we can consciously and unconsciously protect ourselves from feeling or being vulnerable with another person. We also can be scared of vulnerability. Vulnerability is risky and intimate. Letting someone in to know us deeply is needed for love and it can be scary to take that step.


Commitment is another key to falling in love. Sometimes we are ready for this and sometime we are not. Remember that if your friends are making committments to others, it does not mean you have to as well. The committment you make to doing life with someone needs to be intentional, genunine, and true for you. Living up to others expectations of you and not your own expectations of yourself can lead to committments that are not whole-hearted.


Falling in love is a personalized journey. There's a variety of factors for what prevents us from falling in love and exploring what yours are is the important action to take for yourself. We are all wired to bond with someone else, take time to learn what you need to bond with someone else and work on developing that for yourself.


Our team intentionally explores how your attachment story impacts how you develop relationships. Deep dive with one of our therapists today and create opportunity for love and security in your life. Reach out to admin@connectedcouplescounseling.com today to get started.

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