Intimacy in a marriage can change over time, but losing all intimacy can cause serious worry and challenges. It can be upsetting when your partner stops being intimate, and it may affect how connected you feel to each other. The good news is there are real reasons why intimacy can fade, and there are ways to bring it back. We will guide you through what to do when your partner has stopped being intimate with you. There’s no need to panic or think this is the end. You can rebuild intimacy in your relationship and find even deeper connection than before.
Reasons Your Partner Stops Being Intimate
There are many reasons why your partner may have stopped being intimate with you. Take a look at the list below and check which ones you think could be the reason/s:
Stress and Fatigue
Emotional Distance
Medical Issues
Mental Health Challenges
Lack of Communication
Feeling Unappreciated
Infidelity or Trust Issues
Changes in Life Circumstances
Divergent Desires
Let’s take some time to dive into each of these common reasons and why they impact intimacy.
Stress and Fatigue, Medical Issues, Mental Health Challenges, Changes in Life Circumstances
Everyone experiences stress and fatigue, but sometimes it becomes so intense that it affects more than just the person—it affects their relationships, including intimacy. When your partner is stressed, that’s often where their focus goes. Their energy and interest in intimacy might fade because they need all their strength to handle the stress and fatigue. While it may feel like your partner has stopped being intimate with you, the truth is they are dealing with intense emotions and trying to manage them. It affects you, but it’s not about you.
Like stress and fatigue, medical issues or mental health challenges can lower your partner's desire and focus on intimacy. Medications used to manage these challenges can also affect desire and sex drive.
Life changes can also affect intimacy similarly. Big transitions like becoming parents, starting a new job, moving, or dealing with grief and loss require time and energy that can take away from intimacy. During these times, it’s important to show compassion and patience. This can help you avoid creating more challenges and make it easier to rebuild connection and intimacy.
Emotional Distance, Lack of Communication, and Feeling Unappreciated
Feeling connected to each other is key to having intimacy in a relationship. If your partner feels less connected to you, it makes sense that intimacy might decrease or stop. Intimacy is a mix of mental, emotional, and physical connection with your partner. All three areas are important to help you feel close, create desire, and build connection. Many things can affect emotional connection, like how you communicate, handle conflict, share responsibilities, and a sense of safety in your relationship.
How we communicate with our partner is a big part of the emotional connection we feel. If our communication is full of misunderstandings, arguments, or feeling unheard, it can hurt our intimacy. Feeling appreciated is also important, and this comes from how we talk to and support each other.
Infidelity or Trust Issues
When the commitment we made to each other is broken, intimacy often fades. Trust is a key part of an intimate relationship. While intimacy without trust is possible, it often feels more like just an act of sex, not a true connection. Your partner might stop being intimate if they feel you’ve broken their trust, gone against your commitment, or if they know you are cheating or having an affair. Rebuilding trust will be essential to restoring intimacy in your relationship.
Divergent Desires
Our differences in needs and wants around intimacy are there from the start of a relationship. If we struggle to support each other’s desires and explore them together, intimacy can fade. Building intimacy takes effort, just like improving communication. We need curiosity about each other, a desire to support and respect each other’s needs, and a willingness to find compromise.
What To Do When Your Partner Stops Being Intimate and How to Increase Intimacy
Just like there are many reasons why your partner may have stopped being intimate, there are also many ways to bring intimacy back into your relationship.
1. Build Emotional Connection
Start by spending at least 2–3 hours a week focused on quality time together. This can include:
Going on date nights.
Having intentional conversations.
Sharing the highs and lows of your day.
Expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other.
2. Improve Communication
Once you’re building emotional connection, work on your communication skills. Many people think they’re good communicators, but mastering it takes effort. To improve communication:
Be direct and specific about your needs and desires.
Use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings.
Practice active and reflective listening.
Show empathy and validation, even if you don’t agree.
3. Create a Safe Space
Intimacy grows when both partners feel safe and seen. A safe space means:
No judgment for sharing thoughts and feelings.
Respecting each other’s vulnerabilities.
Offering reassurance of your commitment and love.
Notice that we don’t suggest starting with sex or physical affection. While these are important, intimacy begins with emotional connection, effective communication, and safety. Once those are in place, physical affection can follow.
4. Prioritize Physical Affection
When ready, focus on physical connection by:
Engaging in non-sexual touch, like holding hands or cuddling.
Talking about comfort levels and desires to ensure mutual satisfaction.
One of our favorite tools is the Gottman Card Deck app which has deck focused specifically on Sex Questions which is great for asking open-ended, curious questions with one another.
Scheduling time for intimacy to make it a priority.
Some people resist scheduling intimacy because they think it should be spontaneous. However, scheduling ensures it doesn’t get overlooked, helping you stay committed to making time for connection.
5. Try New Things Together
Exploring new activities, hobbies, or places creates opportunities for connection and excitement. Trying something different helps you break out of routines and adds creativity to your relationship. We have a great tool to help you start Trying New Things Together.
6. Take Care of Yourself
Self-care and personal growth are also key to reigniting intimacy.
When you take care of yourself, you show up as your best, most authentic self, which is attractive to your partner. Managing stress and fatigue also helps create more energy and space for connection.
In Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, she introduces the concept of Unicorn Space—time for the things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. It’s not a luxury but a necessity for mental and physical health. When you’re happier and more fulfilled, it can spark intimacy in your relationship.
When you find your partner has stopped being intimate, it is time to start being curious and exploring what is impacting them and how you can support them and your relationship. Dive into what is fueling the lack of intimacy, be open to change and trial and error, and be committed to rekindling the intimacy. Tackle the challenge together versus as enemies.
If you are ready to tackle the intimacy challenges in your relationship, reach out for a complimentary consultation with our team to learn more about working together.
Comments