Talk, Time, Trust, Touch-4 Key Ways to Keep the Spark Alive
I love a simple way to remember how to implement tools or skills and love these four T's with sparking the flame in your relationship.
Talk: A relationship that grows and lasts long-term requires open communication that happens often. Whether it be the daily check-ins on one another's days to the deeper conversations, couples need to be talking with one another often.
What is your perspective on the conversations you and your partner are having? Do they happen often? Do they connect the two of you? Do you feel seen and heard?
2. Time: Finding time with your partner that is quality-oriented is important. We can spend a lot of time with our partner, but it does not mean it feels connected or like quality time. Each couple is different in how they define quality time and we encourage you to lean into your relationship's definition of quality time. That also requires you to talk about this with your partner and explore how you are both experiencing the time you have together.
What is quality time from your perspective and your partner's perspective? Are you finding time with one another that feels connected? How can you make your time together more meaningful, purposeful, and connective?
3. Trust: Building trust is an ongoing process in our relationships. Trust is built daily by small acts that you and your partner engage in. How we experience and feel trust is also unique to our relationship. Our stories shape our personalized needs for trust. What I need in my marriage versus what you need may be the same and may be different. Discussing with your partner how you experience trust, what builds trust, and what you need for trust in a relationship is important.
How are you building trust daily with your partner? What do you need to experience and feel trust in your marriage? How does your story impact your need for trust? What does your partner need from you to build trust and security together?
4. Touch: This is not just focused on sex. While physical and sexual intimacy is important in a relationship, we are discussing all forms of touch. A hug, kiss, hand-holding, cuddling, a supportive high-five. Touch is a physical sensation of connection with your partner. Once again, what kind of touch you both need is unique to each of you and your partnership. You need to discuss what type of touch feels connective and supportive to each of you.
What kind of touch helps you feel cared for, supported, and loved by your partner? How do you experience intimacy? What are the needs you and your partner have for touch?
We hope you take these questions and start to reflect on ways to keep the spark alive in your marriage.
Looking for support to have these conversations or build your marriage? Schedule a free 20-minute consult today. Email our admin team at admin@connectedcouplescounseling.com
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