Discernment Counseling FAQ's

Before reading the questions, we suggest watching this short video from the developer of the Discernment Counseling Model.

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How is Discernment Counseling different from Couples Counseling?

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Discernment counseling is 5 sessions or less and is focused on providing clarity for each partner on what step they feel is best for themselves in either working or dissolving their relationship. The key difference is that we are not diving into the problems and providing solutions, we are creating space to understand what has led to the problems and consideration of separation and divorce, identifying what is needed to change the relationship dynamic, and exploring with each partner individually what step they feel is best for themselves. We do not provide homework/skills to work on in between sessions other than reflecting on the processing and next step forward you feel is best to take for yourself. Couples only commit to one session at a time versus couples counseling typically involves a 3-6 month commitment from the start.

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What do sessions look like?

 

The first session is 2 hours long. The therapist meets with both spouses together to asses where you both stand in the relationship and then the therapist meets with each spouse separately to understand more in-depth why they are either leaning in or out of the relationship. At the end, both partners return for the last 10 minutes to summarize where they are at in the process of discernment and if they need another session.

 

Sessions 2  through 5 are 90 minutes long. The first 10 minutes are spent discussing where each partner is currently in the discernment process and then the individual sessions happen. At the last 10 minutes, both spouses return to once again summarize where they are at and if they need the additional sessions available.

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Does Discernment Counseling work for those who are not legally married?

 

Yes, couples who are in a committed relationship benefit from the process of discernment whether legally married or not.

 

When is Discernment Counseling not a good fit for couples?

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• When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce.

• When one spouse is coercing the other to participate.

• When there is the danger of domestic violence.

 

​How do you determine if Discernment Counseling is successful?​

 

We believe Discernment Counseling is successful if it does any of the following:

• Couples gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their role in what has happened to their relationship.

• The couple has developed clarity and confidence in the decision they have reached that allows them to move forward in their life in a healthy way.

 

Keep in mind that we believe clarity, confidence, and a deeper understanding of the relationship dynamics does not always result in a couple staying together. We do not measure success by the couple staying committed in the Discernment Counseling process. We measure success by their clarity and movement forward from the stuck, and often painful pattern they are in.